Back on Board
I've had a rough couple of months as I am sure we all have. Lock down had taken it's toll on my attempts at sobriety, with boredom and frustration finally knocking me off course. But I'm back! More determined than ever to succeed this time.
With the world starting to re-open after lock down, I feel it's important to contemplate why I let myself go back to old habits and if I'm really being honest with myself... habits that became worse during this time period. Understanding our trigger points after all will help us avoid slip-ups in the future. Worryingly in the UK, scientists and the media are constantly speculating that there is likely to be a second wave of covid-19 and so another lock down situation may well arise in the future (but hopefully will not).
Boredom is certainly the first one that I've already mentioned, which seems to me one of the most potent reasons why I started drinking again. I would even go as far to say that this boredom was self-inflicted, since I also became lazy; deciding that I could no longer be bothered to get up and go for a run, take the dogs for a walk, get my sewing machine out to make something beautiful, get my yoga mat out of the cupboard and salute the sun, or bake something creative. It was easier to open a bottle of wine, sit on the sofa and watch TV, which of course made me even lazier as this self-perpetuating habit rolled on making me feel more tired and, quite frankly, unwell.
Low self-esteem has battered me too. During my last sober stint I lost almost a stone, felt good and bought some new clothes to wear when we could leave the house again. Roll on 6 weeks of drinking more excessively than I ever was, all the weight has piled back on (plus a bit more for good measure) and I can no longer fit into the lovely new clothes that I am now able to actually wear out! I'm hugely disappointed in myself for this and I feel like I don't want to see even my closest friends looking so awful. I've hidden away, even now we are allowed to see other households. And what better way to entertain yourself without having to see anyone...
I'm not sure if this is just me, but I also feel like I've forgotten how to talk to people normally too! Even with colleagues who I have seen briefly and sporadically over the last couple of weeks, I have suddenly noticed more awkward silences where these never used to bother me.
I know how to fix these problems though. It's a case of jumping back on the sober bus and getting back to doing things that I enjoy, which are distracting and all-around more healthy or wholesome, for both body and soul. I'm setting myself some small challenges and goals to get back on a positive track. More info to follow!